Avoidance Reveals What Matters: 

I was sitting across from my friend, coffee steaming between us, when she shared an idea that stopped me mid-sip. “Before you make resolutions about what you want to do,” she said, “what if you first looked at what you’re avoiding?” The simplicity of her suggestion caught me off guard. Instead of focusing on what to add, which is a typical reflection at this time of year, the question she posed was to think about what was left undone—and why.

Avoidance isn’t just procrastination; it’s often tied to fear, uncertainty, or discomfort. The things we avoid can reveal what matters most—or what we feel least prepared to face. By examining these, we shift from avoiding life to engaging with it.

Here are a few of the many ways that avoidance can show up:

Here are a few of the many ways that avoidance can show up:

• Making that phone call you’ve been putting off.

• Planning for an important but overwhelming life change.

• Opening that bank statement.

• Letting go of a toxic friendship or relationship.

• Starting that creative project you’ve been dreaming about.

• Taking care of overdue maintenance—on your car, your home, or your body.

• Taking time for yourself when you feel overcommitted.

• Confronting a habit or behavior that no longer serves you.

• Clearing out that cluttered closet or inbox.

• Saying no to something that doesn’t align with your values.

• Saying what you really feel in a conversation.

• Saying yes to an opportunity that feels intimidating.

• Taking steps to end a long-standing grudge.

• Asking for help or admitting you’re struggling.

• Apologizing or making amends.

• Scheduling time to rest and recover.

• Letting yourself grieve something you’ve been holding back.

• Setting a boundary with someone who drains you.

• Updating your resume or applying for a new job.

• Taking a break from social media.

• Reflecting on a difficult emotion instead of distracting yourself.

• Setting aside time to work on a passion project.

• Confronting a health concern you’ve been minimizing.

• Writing that thank-you note you’ve been meaning to send.

• Reviewing a long-neglected budget or financial plan.

• Scheduling a difficult but necessary family conversation.

• Opening up to a new friendship or community.

• Sharing your creative work with others.

• Clearing out digital clutter—old files, emails, or social media accounts.

• Reading the book you’ve been avoiding because it hits too close to home.

• Updating or rewriting personal goals you’ve outgrown.

• Exploring a new or dormant skill or hobby that feels intimidating.

Every avoidance holds a story—one of fear, uncertainty, or habit. But every time we acknowledge it, we rewrite that story into one of courage, growth, and self-compassion. Facing just one thing today creates momentum for tomorrow.

Every step through avoidance is an act of bravery. It’s a quiet revolution against the parts of ourselves that whisper “Not yet.” When we choose to face what we’ve been avoiding, we’re saying “I’m ready” or “I’m open” for whatever comes next.

Further Reading

• LePera, N. (2021). How to do the work: recognize your patterns, heal from your past, and create your self. First edition. New York, NY, Harper Wave, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers.

• Mate, D. G. (2018). In the realm of hungry ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction. Vermilion.

• Scott, E. (2024) “Avoidance Coping and Why It Creates Additional Stress.” verywellmind.com